Wide awake in Flushing

The Onion is reporting the terrible news that Mr. Met is having emotional difficulties. He is having trouble sleeping and has been acting uncharacteristically, the news organization said.

Explaining that Mr. Met’s usual fun-loving antics have taken a dark turn lately, Jose Reyes recalled how the mascot pushed an eight-year-old fan to the ground last week and flipped off Luis Castillo after he struck out on Opening Day. In addition, Reyes said he has seen Mr. Met take out his T-shirt gun, place it in his mouth, and repeatedly squeeze the trigger.

“When I asked if he was feeling okay, he didn’t say a word. He just shook his giant head,” Reyes said. “Poor guy. He used to be so upbeat. These days his smile just looks painted on.”

“I’d say he drinks too much coffee, but he flings most of it at people,” Reyes added. “Maybe his hat is too small or something.”

Poor guy. Maybe we should take up a collection and send him to a spa for a weekend.

Author: hankkalet

Hank Kalet is a poet and freelance journalist. He is the economic needs reporter for NJ Spotlight, teaches journalism at Rutgers University and writing at Middlesex County College and Brookdale Community College. He writes a semi-monthly column for the Progressive Populist. He is a lifelong fan of the New York Mets and New York Knicks, drinks too much coffee and attends as many Bruce Springsteen concerts as his meager finances will allow. He lives in South Brunswick with his wife Annie. View all posts by hankkalet